How (and why) to fire a piano student

Even if they’re not familiar with its official name, there’s not a single piano teacher who doesn’t know about the Pareto Principle.—aka the 80-20 Rule. When applied to their studios, teachers see that 80% of the best playing they hear each week comes from 20% of their students. And, conversely, each teacher is aware that 20% of the students (or parents of said students) cause 80% of the problems in their studio. Most piano teachers are helpful, friendly, and eager to educate all comers to the glories of playing the piano. But each teacher, if pressed, will admit to a few students who they wish would choose to study with someone else.

This is rarely discussed openly with other teachers, and every time I’ve had piano teachers talk to me about “firing” a piano student, the conversation is tinged with a bit of guilt.  The problem is that many piano teachers are conflict avoidant. They’ll struggle along for years with a problem student who drains their time, energy, and (sometimes financial resources) because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

But here’s a hard truth: no one teacher can be all things to all students. Perhaps the act of ending a working relationship with a student will be the best thing for that individual and their progress as a musician. Perhaps, if we set the student free, someone else might be a better teacher for them.

And here’s another hard truth: underneath the music, the caring, the nurturing, the thrill of sharing knowledge with the next generation, piano teachers aren’t therapists, cops, priests, or loan shops. Piano teaching is a business, and like businesses everywhere, sometimes difficult decisions must be made so that resources (in teaching, time and energy) can be freed up to go toward people who are eager to learn what’s being offered.

When I taught piano, I wasn’t known as one of the “nice” teachers, which is probably why so many of the sweeter instructors came to me for advice on how to fire problem students. I learned early in my career to vet my students (and, when I taught kids, their parents) extremely carefully before I worked with them so I rarely needed to ask one to leave my studio. Every few years, however, one would sneak through and I’d need to find a diplomatic way to terminate their lessons. In my experience, problem students fall into several broad categories. Here are my ideas on how to best end lessons with each one.

The “never-practicer”

This is the most common problem student in any studio. As there are a myriad of reasons why a student isn’t practicing, the best place to start is by asking questions. If the reason is an (honest) lack of time or long-running lack of interest, it’s easy to suggest that the student “take a break” from lessons for a few months (I usually suggested 3 months) with the understanding that if they change their minds, you’ll do your best to work them back into your schedule or to refer them to a new teacher. Most students, when offered this soft exit, are relieved to take it as they feel guilty about their lack of preparation each week.

The controlling parent

The student is great, but the parent is a tyrant. This is one of the most difficult problems to resolve because in most of these situations, the teacher loves the student and hates to part with them. The answer is to address things privately with the parent. There are many times when bully parents, if confronted politely and firmly, will agree to let the teacher be in charge of lessons and practicing. If they can’t release control to the teacher, however, the only option (no matter how painful) is to either continue to let that parent drain you or to gently inform the parent and student that you’re terminating lessons. Memorize this phrase: “I’m not the right teacher for you.” It’s simple, doesn’t assign blame, and leaves no wiggle room for the parent to argue you into changing your mind.

The “always broke”

I once had a studio mom who kept “forgetting” to sign her tuition checks, or would write them out for incorrect amounts. Another was a chronic late payer. But neither compared to the adult student who (I’m not making this up!) stopped mid-lesson and prayed aloud to Jesus for the money to pay for lessons. Yeah. Gulp. The “always broke” preys on sympathy and guilt. Don’t let them. Yes, there are times when a good client falls on bad luck, but those people will settle their account with you as quickly as possible. Piano teachers owe it to themselves (and their bank accounts) to release the “always broke” with the ever-useful phrase, “I’m not the right teacher for you.”

The “I need therapy”

This is usually an adult student, one who is seeking a listening ear rather than music instruction. I’ve been pulled in by more than one of these as it’s extremely flattering to be asked for advice, and most decent human beings want to be supportive of others. But there’s a difference between offering a few helpful hints and being an unlicensed counselor. If lessons have devolved into de facto therapy sessions, it’s time to either set strict boundaries with the student or to end lessons.

The would-be seducer

In my experience, most would-be seducers are adults in a mid-life crisis. They come to piano lessons, looking to develop their artistic interests, and they find a nurturing, helpful, always supportive person who—unlike their spouse or partner—never nags or yells at them. I wish I could say that there’s a way to salvage the situation, but I’ve found that once romantic interest has entered the studio, lessons must be terminated. In rare cases, if the teacher catches the problem early enough (and if the student is intuitive enough to back down), they can steer lessons into extremely professional territory. But once overt attempts at intimacy or avowals of love are uttered, lessons need to end immediately.

The mentally unstable or dangerously manipulative

These people are dangerous and nothing can be done to save the working relationship. If you fear telling the student in person that you’re terminating their lessons, do so over the phone at the earliest convenience. Your health and safety are worth more than any worries about offending them.

Firing a student is never pleasant, but knowing when to let go of a client is part of running a professional piano studio. Graciousness, courteousness, and kindness allows a teacher to minimize hurt feelings. And these attributes, when applied to oneself, remind the teacher that all of their students deserve a happy, energetic instructor, not one drained by problem students.